Nieni's Old Poems ;P

[nienisprings]

Eh.... I used to be a poetry freak. These are from a few years ago when I was... well, going through a hard time, so try not to mind the more disturbing poems. 9____9 They're not great, but they used to make me feel a little better when I thought I was gonna go insane.

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Don't look at me the way you do
don't give me the smile you only show a few
you're bringing up feelings I thought I'd forgot
you're making me feel special when I know I'm not
Don't hold me tightly with such love and care
don't make me feel so warm, you're not playing fair
you're not even giving me the option to say no
you're grasping my heart, and refusing to let go
Don't tell me you'll never go away
don't talk to me about how our lives will be someday
you're words sound so sweet, yet make me feel so bitter
you're tone is enough to make me shiver
Don't look me in the eyes, my will is breaking...
.... Oh, please, don't ever say you're faking.....

***

I can see your mistakes from afar
which makes me remember, I hate everything you are
Can't you see what a foolish sight you make?
walking around with a grin that's so obviously fake
wandering aimlessly with that well-known glazed look
this is real life, not a dreamt up book
You'll never see a dragon flying through the air
there is no princess with long golden hair
it's about time you realize, there is no point to dreams
everything you see is simply as it seems
No one's interested in your 'special' point of view
and when I look into the mirror, I'm sick of seeing you.

***

There she goes, having another one of her fits
lets go and rile her up, lets test her limits
don't bother listening to her point of view
don't get to close, she might bite you
Ha, look at the way she's smiling
it's so funny to see the way she's faking
who cares if what we say can hurt
she deserves to feel like dirt
oh, look she's got herself a knife
what's she gonna do, end her life
what's wrong with her, what's the big deal
life's painful, wounds heal
you think I'm unfair, I disagree
hey, why the hell's she coming at me?

***

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Scratching nails along my skin
I feel the self-loathing begin
slowly, blood slides to the ground
coppery and slick without a sound
longing for a stolen kiss
one I refuse, and refused to miss
waiting to retrieve what was stolen
thoughts of revenge are set in motion
as crimson life slips through my fingers
my bitter regret stalls and lingers
only to easily be locked away
waiting eagerly to break away
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***

You say I don't understand what you're going through
and you're definitely right, but I want to
I'm always the one who's naive and forgiving
and it's just not the way I want to be living

You say I'm confused, I don't know what I'm asking
and you're definitely wrong, my patience isn't lasting
I want to know the meaning of angst
stop calling me a child, you'll get no thanks

I want to know what is is to feel pain
I never want to be treated like a child again
I want to know what's wrong with the world
and see what it looks like with it's claws unfurled

I want to prove that I can conquer this
that nothing can break the little, perfect miss
yet know what it feels like to be broken
to hold a deep dark secret never to be spoken

I want to feel what you and people around me felt
I want to be like everyone else

You say I'm completely and utterly insane
to actually go looking for humiliation and pain
and I simply must reply, that I quite agree
I know I'm not an angel.... I don't want to be.

***

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~~

Come, dear mortal, drink the water
don't be afraid, don't dare falter
take in the essence of my spirit
to have come so far, you must promerit
let my own fate blend with yours
forever walk among my shores
yes, drink the water, succumb to the binding
I have a feeling you won't be minding....

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~~
***

pointed chins and smiling eyes
dancing under midnight skies
goblins, fairies, elves, and pixies
existing for each child who believes
silvery mist and magical streams
winding through most innocent dreams
fantasies, wishes, and mystical desires
twisting and twirling round nighttime fires

***

[Zolah]

Oh, those are great O.o

[nienisprings]

*snrk* XD No they're not. They're nasty and ooooooold.

[Zolah]

Well, Still.
I think they are great ^w^
even if they are ooold and 'nasty'

[Shippo_no_Neko]

I like them! Very... creepy... but very well written ^^

[nienisprings]

Creepy. That's how I thought back then. >>'

[Shippo_no_Neko]

How old ARE they?

[nienisprings]

About two or three years. I had an emotional break down, hurt myself, just about went insane, and eventually worked out of the slump by myself cuz my friends were all worthless bastards except for two.

[Shippo_no_Neko]

Awwws! That is so sad! Feel better! Uhh... What makes you feel better?! I could draw you a picture-- *gets all flustered* Eyaaahh!

[deltaT]

I still have the scars on my wrists from when I went through something similar (judging by your poems). I ended up marrying the guy, though, years later.

[Zolah]

Isnt it weird that horrbible things that happens to you can make you do things that seems bit more creative? - ok, that sounded both weird and not like i wanted it to come out..
hope you understand, Buts omehow ( i think atleast) too write things up and make art makes so you dont feel as bad as before, its like i nailed the angst and sorrow down on the paper. *sighs* - im even confusing myself =_=

[nienisprings]

Heh, I've never dated, or even really been looked at by a guy. I liked a friend at the time and he was the one I talked things through with. He didn't figure out that I liked him till he was already dating another friend. Didn't exactly help with my frame of mind, but I got over it. I'm fine now.

I didn't exactly -cut- myself, at least, not in the usual way. I scratched my arm with my nails till I bled, but I never used a knife or anything.... I wanted a little pain, I wasn't suicidal. You can't really see the scar, I just can because I know where it is.

I understand Zolah. Actually, I can't write poetry at all now, except for random moments of inspiration that pop up randomly from time to time.

*shrugs* It was a bad time, but it passed.

[Stonestrike]

Your poems are beautiful, depressing and creepy. Kinda reminds me of a poem I made when I thought deeply about war. I'll show it but its nothing compared to these.

Blood.
A dark hue of red.
Last precious seconds forever.
For once I feel…
Peace.
Battles I fought.
People I killed with my own hands.
The crimson fluid…
Vile.
For once I live.
I can’t explain how.
I live in death…
Peace.

[silverwolf]

Wow. Those are..touching. I know, I know. Touching is a word for beauty and love, not pain and hate, but they're very touching to me. I commend you.

[nienisprings]

Yea... but when I read them now, it's like they were written by someone else. Thanks for the responses, I'm glad you've enjoyed them.

[Scarecrow]

Wow. Your poetry is absolutely beautiful! How can you say they're nasty?! *Rants*

[Shippo_no_Neko]

Yeah... Wow... It makes me wish that my poetry was decent...

[silverwolf]

I like to maintain ignorance, and believe that my poetry is decent.