Post by {×ÏÑk§tÊ®88×} on May 13, 2008 21:53:40 GMT -5
People look right through me.Teachers, kids, and other adults.I try to somehow get them to notice me but I'm only met by the same seemingly programmed in comebacks and glances, like I can't get anything real out of anyone.I honestly believe it's starting to affect my sanity.Every day i feel more disconnected from everything then the previous day.Sometimes I question whether or not I am really here, going to school and typing this, or if i am locked away some place Imagining all this.Some days if i do get genuine things from people around me, I am ridiculed for it.Every time I get real emotions that are not negative, i get knocked back down again.
and people just keep closing in.They WANT me to be assertive, they WANT me to join in, they WANT me to be this social little freak, they WANT me to get all this help I don't need and get the stigma that comes with it.I feel pressure.My parents all did these wild and assertive things.I can't do those.I can't look someone in the eyes and tell them off.I can't do any of that.
I don't want to change myself, but as of now no-one around me seems happy with what I am doing now.No-one attaches them self to me and says "i'm her best friend." I try to attach myself to people this way but everyone is taken.I'm faling and sinkig.
I want to scream at people that I am real, that I think and feel.I want to konw that they do the same, and hat i'm not a madwoman and they aren't a madwoman's delusions.I can't escape.I'm trapped in a tiny little box that's squeezing in at all sides.Soon i will explode.I will malfunction.People will think i am insane.And i'm not able to make it stop.
Help.
and people just keep closing in.They WANT me to be assertive, they WANT me to join in, they WANT me to be this social little freak, they WANT me to get all this help I don't need and get the stigma that comes with it.I feel pressure.My parents all did these wild and assertive things.I can't do those.I can't look someone in the eyes and tell them off.I can't do any of that.
I don't want to change myself, but as of now no-one around me seems happy with what I am doing now.No-one attaches them self to me and says "i'm her best friend." I try to attach myself to people this way but everyone is taken.I'm faling and sinkig.
I want to scream at people that I am real, that I think and feel.I want to konw that they do the same, and hat i'm not a madwoman and they aren't a madwoman's delusions.I can't escape.I'm trapped in a tiny little box that's squeezing in at all sides.Soon i will explode.I will malfunction.People will think i am insane.And i'm not able to make it stop.
Help.
