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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Nov 30, 2005 22:22:38 GMT -5
Hehehe... I tell ya, Rehiro, you think you're sad? Lookit me from your point of view. I look at that pic of Vita, and I go "Okay, so? What's next?"
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Post by Daybreak on Dec 1, 2005 22:02:20 GMT -5
I can see what you guys are saying about the opposite gender, but I guess my issues are kinda unique. I'm not interested in the opposite sex at all in a relationship sense (keep in mind that at this point in my life they're all high school males *shudder*). I've also been strictly relationship-free since freshman year after a couple bad experiences in a row. The only guy who's ever expressed interest in me romantically is a boy I've known since first grade. We went out for a while, but it was a long distance relationship (I'd moved away) and I felt like I was dating a brother. Ugh.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everyone is ready for a relationship at the time in your life everyone else seems to be in one (That made sense in my head). But maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I'm a brain who's never kissed a guy >.<
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Post by Scarecrow on Dec 1, 2005 23:17:51 GMT -5
So? I've never even held hands with a guy! Nothing to be ashamed of there, Daybreak. And Rehiro, Nieni... I know how you feel. Probably from a different perspective though...
Also, I'm REALLY protective of my first kiss. If somebody I wasn't sure about stole it from me, I would probably punch him, and then die of shock.
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Post by Rehiro on Dec 1, 2005 23:28:29 GMT -5
Wow... havent read any of your posts... I feel like i've shamed myself beyond redemption... anyway, i saw the picture... so... yeah, can you guys tell me if your saying stuff like "Rehiro is so pathetic" or something of that nature?
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Post by Scarecrow on Dec 1, 2005 23:31:50 GMT -5
Since when are you pathetic, then?
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Post by Rehiro on Dec 1, 2005 23:35:07 GMT -5
What do you mean? Dont you read my posts? Im full of shame... I cant handle my emotions...
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Post by Scarecrow on Dec 1, 2005 23:42:07 GMT -5
Of course I read your posts! Having strong feelings isn't a shamefull thing! The only crime you've commited is putting yourself down!
Egads... I sound like a self help book.
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 1, 2005 23:50:36 GMT -5
I've been called pathetic quite often... In fact, it's probably half-me, even...
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Post by RyokoDragonez on Dec 2, 2005 0:15:29 GMT -5
Zolah, it seems to me that your 'Swedish boyfriend' cares for you a lot (Frmo what you were saying). The only reserve I would have about him is his abuse of you... No one has the right to abuse you. Ever.
As for the other one... if he is capable of "roleplay dating" other girls... That would suggest a trend towards infedelity. Do you really want to put up with that?
I cannot possibly give advice as I do not know the situation. But YOU know it. What your instinct is telling you about the character of these guys... only you can decide what is best for you. We are behind you all the way. Whichever you chose.
Rehiro, Yes, I do read your posts. And being whiney every once in a while is alright. It shows that you are a normal human with normal human emotions.
---
Ryoko Dragonez
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Post by deltaT on Dec 2, 2005 0:43:55 GMT -5
Wow, that's a lot of emotion coming through in this thread!
Zolah: I'd just like to point out that you don't really know the online guy. Everything you hear from him is just how he is representing how he'd like to be seen, not what he's like in real life. It could be a 12 year old girl, or a 50 year old guy...you don't really know him. At least the real world bf is someone you can look in the eye, and judge on how he interacts with the world. But you are under no obligation to go out with him, or anyone. Or, you could date him, or others, but not exclusively. You should be finding out what you like and dislike in guys, and being true to yourself. You don't owe him anything...crying is guilt trip, meant to manipulate you into not breaking up with him.
BTW, food losing it's taste is a classic sign of depression...ever thought about taking meds? I've done that from time to time.
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Post by deltaT on Dec 2, 2005 0:55:54 GMT -5
I also wanted to say, to those of you who feel protective of your first kiss (this is just a different perspective, no one has to listen) that, does it really matter so much? My first kiss was with a big jerk, and I knew he was a jerk (as in a player). I considered it a practise session. That way when I finally kissed someone I cared about, I wasn't a complete novice. I don't know if I'd use the same argument for sex. I waited until I was in love with someone, and I actually wanted to sleep with him. But I had hippie parents, and I was raised with quite an open view on that.
Rehiro, if you really think you are so pathetic, then you must think everyone else here who has posted about their anxieties is also pathetic, and I don't think you do. Don't be so hard on yourself!
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Post by Zolah on Dec 2, 2005 5:51:46 GMT -5
About the online guy, Ive got 2 photos of him ( he is a very avrage guy - not to be mean but my swedish guy is much more smexy *sweatdrop* ) . Im problebly gonna go for my boyfriend IRL and i should maybe start to tell him exactly how i feel about certain things... even if it means he curl up and falls to tears ( he tends to do that often when im trying to tell him how i feel about him pinches me and touchong certain areas... once i even went so far telling him to go search help ) - and the online guy btw he has changed alot, first we was only friends and we talked about anthing from games to depressing moments. He claim that ive had stopped him from cutting himself and once he had a picture on his man where he had cut himself at age 12( what he said ). recently we dont talk about such at all, i even started to think once if i talked to someone else. - Since he has claimed these girls was just rp girlfriends ive had a tempting thougth of pming them asking what relation to him they got.
and about meds for depression - I dont like medicine very much ive been living with them forever against reumatic pains and such. It maybe could be a good idea but somehow i just feel bad about it, sometime i rather have my pain then eat medicine.
and about kissing, I remember my first kiss. It wasnt so wonderfull as I thougth it would be XD it didnt taste good and i got drool around my mouth afterwards. I really hated it.. but the second one was much nicer and somewhat better too, we both was so nervous.
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 2, 2005 11:14:29 GMT -5
Ah, kissing... The ultimate interaction (in my book, anyway). I'm a bit stupid about that, mostly coz I think my first received kiss was spoiled... .-.
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Post by RyokoDragonez on Dec 2, 2005 14:31:35 GMT -5
Zolah: Telling your boyfriend where his limits are help him to know what he can and cannot do. Guys aren't psycic (Unles you happen to be dating an alp ^^;  and they need to be told what their limits are. As for the online guy... do you really want to deal with someone who uses guilt (from cutting) to gain sympathy? I've done that... it was not worth my time or my tears. If he is an honest guy, he will not mind you PMing some of these "RP dates" to find out what their relationship is. Perhaps he is telling everyone the same thing? See your doctor about this not eating thing... It does sound pretty severe (Hey.. food is good. Yes... food...) I know how you feel about medication...but your doctor may be able to suggest something else, perhaps a psycologist who can help you through the issues depressing you rather than pumping you full of drugs. As for the first kiss thing... The one I consider as my first kiss (Not that forced thing from someone else >.< Bah. ) was amazing. My boyfriend is a wonderful kisser. I am very blessed to be dating him. (Not for that reason alone...but I won't get into details as that would be dreadfully off-topic ^_^; --- Ryoko Dragonez |
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 2, 2005 14:53:20 GMT -5
...Funny how I created the board and I'm the one with the least to contribute. And am rapidly losing interest in the subject. Mostly coz everyone knows more than I do, and has worse problems than I do. Meh... I guess my "problems" are just stupid...
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Post by Zolah on Dec 2, 2005 14:54:27 GMT -5
Dont worry about my eating habbit, I havnt stopped eating. I did it once when my boyfriend broke up with me, since he thougth we wouldnt be a good couple plus i went through a hell in school.
Ive been talking to him many times, telling what i think of stuff. same for him, but sometimes he it slips his mind. ( kk quite often ) its worst when he get a bit jealous, he is actually jealous over a 15 year old... wich is just my friend and ( sorry arthur) he is very VERY short so you could mistake him for 12-13 Year old.
and i am allready talking to a psycologist allready, but only 2 times this far. in some weird way it seems like i just have impressed her in some weird way o_= . I have changed alot under 3-4 years before i couldnt see anyone in the eyes or talk to strangers ( this includes shop keeps )
I dont know if this is some usefull info but I have only had one boyfriend ever
/ Zol
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Post by Zolah on Dec 2, 2005 14:56:58 GMT -5
...Funny how I created the board and I'm the one with the least to contribute. And am rapidly losing interest in the subject. Mostly coz everyone knows more than I do, and has worse problems than I do. Meh... I guess my "problems" are just stupid... Dont say that, No problems are stupid. If you want I can try to help you best way i can but i must say that it can sound rather men sometimes... mostly cause i write like a one legged crow wich is high on crack XP |
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Post by Daybreak on Dec 2, 2005 14:57:01 GMT -5
Don't be silly, Taimatsu. your problems aren't stupid because they directly affect you. They may be dwarfed by issues other people are dealing with, but that doesn't mean they have less impact on your life.
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Post by Zolah on Dec 2, 2005 15:12:57 GMT -5
Tai could you maybe write your problem? so i can se what is bugging you ( i must admit im too lazy to search through the bio thread )
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 2, 2005 15:32:15 GMT -5
Here, I'll find some of my best ones as a summary. Actually, it's more like gals in general, not anyone specific. I haven't seen a gal my age in almost five months. Of course, the problem was there then too... It's a constant. .-. By now I figure I'll take anyone who'll have me. Beggars can't be choosers, right? And someone in my position can't afford to be picky. Deep-rooted shyness (took me 'til I was sixteen to order my own food at resturaunts--even Burger King), rational fear of rejection (the two girls I DID ask out both said no. Actually, Kerri said no, then called up and said yes, then passed a note the next day saying she already had a boyfriend, and I could hang out with her friends at the dance. I didn't go. And I misinterpreted with Kelly, told her when I thought she felt the same, she said no, then--after not speaking for a month--she asked me to the movies, saying that her schedule was kinda random. Hasn't talked about it since.), things like that. Oh, yes, and lack of contact. Every girl I knew that I would have been mildly interested in has moved away for college. No lie. Every single one. ._. I just have bad luck... Or is it skill? Okay. It started almost a year ago... An internet friend of mine, Mossy from Neopets, came to me one day and admitted she kinda had a crush on me. At first it was weird to me, seeing as she lived 1617 miles away and was 5 years younger, but we overcame it. And I fell in love with her. Like, for real. =\ I always though that she was that one special person they say is out there for everyone. I thought we'd someday meet and get married and grow old together. She made me feel loved and special like no one ever has. She was the first--and only--girl who ever showed any interest in me. But later... As it when on, when school started for her again... She began to grow away from me... We didn't have much in common, but I still liked her even if we didn't understand each other's interests (for example, she liked piercings, tattoos, and razor blades; I like anime, videogames, and comics). But she eventually got really harsh and cold toward me. She used to call me sweet and funny and smart and sexy. Now she prefers terms like stupid, immature, and not all that attractive. =\ She broke up with me in September, after we had been an online couple for 10 months. And she got a new boyfriend--in real life--not two days later. Like she didn't even need to get over me. Add that to my failures and rejections with Kerri and Kelly (elsewhere in this thread), and you can see why I kinda feel like I'll never even get to hold a girl's hand. =\ You raise an interesting point, although I'm really hoping to solve both those things at once. My main issue is that I don't know how to get a girl. Like, at all. I haven't seen anyone my own age in five months. Graduating sucks. .-. Yeah, fantasies and long-distance relations... I think they suck. Like a bucket of leeches. I would know: it's all I've ever had. As for sex, you're certainly right it's not my top priority. I'd scarcely call it a priority at all, in fact. I will state, right now, for the record, that I don't have any intention at all of doing THAT with a girl unless I'm married to her first. This brings something to mind... Ever heard the term "getting to first base"? Well, put it like this: I have two separate ballfields, and sex isn't in either one of them (although I'd be delighted to explain what IS in them, should anyone ask). Is it me, or is this conversation getting a bit personal, and WAY off topic? I mean, I have the one ballfield that goes like this: first base: get the girl to look at me and smile back second: get the girl to talk to me third: get the girl to be friends with me home: get the girl to say yes to going out with me This alone is very difficult, and only after rounding all the bases in that field (which I've never done, and can rarely even make it to first) can you go to the second. The second goes like this: first: get the girl to be my girlfriend second: get the girl to hold my hand third: get the girl to hug me home: get the girl to kiss me Those are my bases and scorings. The umpires here are very mean and kick me out of the game all the time, and there is no fan encouragement. Yay for baseball metaphors. Well, it's only that my late friend Kyle once promised to make sure I had a date for the prom when it finally came time for that. That was ninth grade. In tenth grade, Kyle was killed in a car accident. Joy. It's social ineptitude all around, eh? And if anyone was wondering, I didn't go to either junior prom or senior prom. I felt like crap and such about it in 11th, but I didn't mind so much in 12th (I was still involved with Mossy then). I would have gone if anyone had asked me, though. .-. That's pretty much all I said that I think is of any importance... Basically, in a word: lonely. That's my problem. |
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Post by deltaT on Dec 3, 2005 1:23:23 GMT -5
Well, I gotta say, Tai, that I for one loved your ballfield. I would have gone out with you when I was your age. It would have been reassuring to know someone didn't just want sex.
I still have the same objections that I told Zolah about online relationships....you just have no way to judge what that person is really like. (As I mentioned before, however, it can work out as in my sisters case, but they were willing to travel to meet each other IRL)
It's hard to meet real girls if you don't go out somewhere and physically meet them. Online friends are great, but you need real ones too. Can you find some interest group that would get you out in real life? I know it's hard once you're out of school (I think you said you're out?)
What about going to the library, or local comic book store? I'm not trying to be patronizing, but just reading this forum proves that there are girls that you could really relate to. And I think you're real problem is lack of self confidence.
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Post by deltaT on Dec 3, 2005 1:33:23 GMT -5
Jeeze, I do sound patronizing! FYI, I considered myself quite a loser for most of my life, and I've only really been happy since I decided I liked my own company. If true love ever stares me in the face, I won't say no, but I am actively NOT looking for it. I realize that having been married may make it look like I was more successful relationship-wise, but my hubby couldn't get through our marriage ceremony without shooting up beforehand. And for quite a few years, I lived with a gay guy and told everyone he was my boyfriend so I could avoid dating. Point is, I'm quite happy now, no guy in sight. Happier than I was when I was looking.
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 3, 2005 1:42:10 GMT -5
The main problem with going out somewhere is two things: one, it takes forever to get there, coz I have to walk, and two, talking with my friends online is so much more appealing. If I get on the computer, I don't often get off. Meaning I'd have to go out first thing in the morning (read as 10:30 am). This is difficult. The computer's so appealling coz it's a familiar environment, where I know I can find someone to talk to, or something to entertain me. Offline is too uncertain.
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Post by deltaT on Dec 3, 2005 2:01:16 GMT -5
Actually, I really sympathize with you. I often get stuck on the computer, too. It feels much safer than going out and realting with real people. Luckily for me, I've had to go out, either to school (as a high school drop out returning to college) and now to work. I dread it everytime I have to meet new people, but I feel better for doing it.
I had to acknowledge that my fear of talking to people got in the way of having friends. When I was in my early 20's, I actally got a retail job just because I knew it would be good for me to have to talk to people I didn't know. And I hated doing it, but it helped a lot. When I went back to school, my biggest fear was having to do oral presentations, so I volunteered to do them just for the "get over it" factor. I hated it and loved it at the same time, and I actually ended up being good at it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you can find a way to commit yourself to facing your fears (exposing your feelings and just accepting the outcome) you can really grow from it. No one will ever think as badly of you as you do of yourself.
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 3, 2005 2:15:48 GMT -5
Well, I'll certainly think about your advice, anyway... I do remember just going to the store coz I had a dream that I'd bump into a girl and she'd fall in love with me instantly... Needless to say, nothing like that even came close to happening. =\
Sometimes I think I should just give up and accept that I'll be alone forever. But something won't let me. I dunno what.
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Post by lysinias on Dec 3, 2005 3:13:51 GMT -5
That would be the smart part of you. Don't give up. I'm not going ot have much to contribute here at all, as I've never been in a relationship nor particularly desired to be in one..... but I'm gonna kinda spit out anything of any use I may have to say now. 1) NEVER think you are alone. 2)Facing your fears is the best cure and 3) talking is a extremely effective cure for depression. and erm.... go out, meet people. And I often get stuck to my purdy computer myself. it's like a part of me.
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Post by DarkfireTaimatsu on Dec 3, 2005 3:44:49 GMT -5
...I just remembered something else relating to my problem, which might help things out. 'Member Kelly? In one of our discussions, we discussed how everyone has a purpose... Everyone was put on earth for a reason. And I got to thinking: What's my purpose? I had no idea, naturally. None. I mean, I have no real skills or anything... So I decided to make my own purpose: I wanted to find some special girl and make her feel loved like no one else had. Make her happy just to be around me. Y'know. Making someone happy... That's what I wanted to be my purpose.
Of course, the flip side is that this never has happened yet (except with Mossy). And mostly I end up feeling like I have no purpose. Like I was put on the planet by accident. Like if I died, no one would notice, let alone care.
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Post by lysinias on Dec 3, 2005 4:04:55 GMT -5
Don't ever think that. All of your friends and family would not only notice but care immensely.
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Post by Zolah on Dec 3, 2005 5:05:20 GMT -5
I dont know what to say since I dont have so much experiance at trying to find a partner, I was quite like you before until i somehow agreed with myself to be asexual. Then suddenly after a while one of my friends starting to make moves on me, but I did not really notice since i thougth like this ' He is my friend he wouldnt do such things, just look at me etc etc' - but then suddenly one day ( actually new year and i think its so darn cool in some way o.o ) we got together, seems like love can pop up on unexplainary places. and now 2 years after yet another of my friends told me that he had a crush on me the same time as my boyfriend and i reacted like ' fuck am I so Blind!?!?' - this is my tips they are very few and kinda pathetic really... try to find a new hobby or a reason to go somewhere new, I started a roleplay and thats how i met all my friends i got now ( i didnt have much then ). well, thats it... XP
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Post by Zolah on Dec 3, 2005 7:45:17 GMT -5
No, thats hermafrodite - asexual is when youre not intrested in any gender
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and they need to be told what their limits are.